Mom's diary

I found Mom's diary.

The same sentence filled every page.

"Sarah, why aren't you dead yet?"

Sarah. That's me.

I slipped my diagnosis into the diary's cover and picked up a pen.

"Don't worry, Mom. It won't be long now."

Your wish will come true.

So, Mom, will you be happy?

1

A blizzard hit Denver in early November. I brushed the snow off my coat and pulled open the front door. The blast of warm air was immediately countered by the sting of my mom's slap.

"Where have you been, gallivanting around? Dinner's cold, a whole spread just for you! Couldn't even bother to call? You have no manners!"

My face was numb from the cold, so I barely felt it.

How fitting.

It was my birthday.

And my mom's gift to me was a slap across the face.

I slowly took off my shoes, hung up my damp coat, and plugged in my phone. I glanced at the clock; I was only half an hour later than we'd agreed. The buses weren't running, and cabs were all occupied. I'd walked home, and I was exhausted.

My mom was still ranting. She gestured at the table. "That's organic chicken, twenty bucks a pound. And the ribs, grass-fed, another forty a pound…"

The table was covered with leftovers. They'd clearly already eaten. My mom was itemizing the price of every scrap.

My frozen fingers could barely hold chopsticks.

My half-sister, Ashley, looked at Mom with watery eyes when she saw I wasn't eating. "Mom, we ate without Sarah. Is she mad?"

Such a pathetic act, yet it worked every time.

Sure enough, Mom put her arm around Ashley's shoulder. "Your sister knows you have to eat on time because of your low blood sugar. It's her fault for being late."

Right, the picture of motherly love.

I gave a sarcastic smile. My mom seemed to forget I was her actual daughter. Ashley was just my stepdad's kid.

2

The ringing phone broke the tense silence. My usually stoic stepdad answered, then turned to me. "Sarah, the roads are blocked. The birthday cake we ordered can't be delivered…"

Birthday cake.

I pressed my lips together. My stomach churned. Of all the gifts in the world, a birthday cake was the last thing I wanted.

Nausea washed over me. My mom came over and punched me in the back.

"Are you deaf? Your dad ordered you a cake. Even if it can't get here, it's the thought that counts. Can't you even say thank you?"

You're right, Mom. I'll be dead soon.

Stage four cancer. Not much time left.

My mom's punch knocked the chopsticks from my hand. I mumbled a "thank you." I didn't mean it.

She wasn't satisfied. "David, look at this child! You've spoiled her rotten! You're a respected lawyer, everyone kisses your ass outside, but you can't even get a smile from her at home? It's true what they say, you can't tame a wild animal, especially not one that isn't yours."

My brain must have been frozen. I snapped back, "Then why don't you give him one of your own?"

My mom froze. Then she flipped the table.

"Sarah! How dare you! It's because of you I can't have any more children!"

My mom he...