The Tour Guide, the Gambler, and Me: A Trip to Hell and Back

I was on a tour with my boyfriend when the tour guide started with the sob stories and sales pitches. I tried to get the older folks to think straight about their spending, but they turned on me and dragged me through the mud online. My boyfriend said I was heartless and cost him a chance to get rich. "If you hadn't stopped me, I'd be rolling in emeralds!" he whined. I broke up with him, but he forced me off the bus, and then some thugs ripped out my organs and dumped my body across the border. It wasn't until after I died that I found out the tour guide wasn't just manipulating us into spending and gambling; she’d picked me out to be harvested from the get-go. Then, I woke up. I was back on Day One of the tour.

Chapter 1

“Welcome to the South, everyone! I'm your guide, Tiffany!” The tour bus had just picked everyone up from the airport, and Tiffany, our guide, stood up, microphone in hand. She looked like a real knockout in her sundress as she began explaining the history of the region, captivating everyone's attention.

My boyfriend, Jake, nudged me. "I thought tour guides were all old ladies who push timeshares. Turns out, she actually knows her stuff!"

“Or knows how to sell it,” I muttered.

Jake frowned at my sarcasm, and even an old guy in front of us turned around to give me a stink eye.

“Hey, kid, why so cynical?” he grumbled. “We all paid for a no-hassle tour. Let’s try and enjoy ourselves! Tiffany’s doing a great job!”

A flashy-looking woman with a diamond ring practically offered Tiffany a job for her 35-year-old couch-surfing son. Tiffany was beautiful, sweet-talking, and definitely knew how to play the game. Right from the start, she handed out a bottle of the local specialty, a kind of slightly alcoholic cider, to everyone – cool, refreshing, and perfect for getting rid of the post-flight blahs.

Jake, who loves a good brew, immediately wanted more. “Hey, Tiffany, can I grab another? Or can I buy a six-pack?”

Tiffany gave a hesitant smile and produced another bottle. "We're a zero-shopping tour, so no sales. But seeing you all enjoy the local goods makes me so happy. I wish I could give you all as much as you want, but my little brother has a life-threatening illness. I need every penny for his treatment.”

Hearing about Tiffany’s family and how hard she worked to pay for her brother’s surgery, everyone started feeling the pain. The old guys in front were practically begging to buy a case of the cider to be shipped home. Soon, the whole bus was ready to splurge. Tiffany, pretending to be reluctant, pulled out her notepad to take orders.

She soon got to us. Jake, just like everyone else, was fired up with newfound sympathy. "Tiffany, we'll take two..."

“We’ll take two hundred cases. Hopefully, that’ll help.” I cut him off, dropping the number like a bomb. Tiffany had said the inside price was $20 a case, making 200 cases a cool $4000 – a good two months’ pay for Jake, if he saved every penny. While the bus turned to give us a...