For Christmas, my wife dressed her ex-boyfriend as Catwoman

It was Christmas Day, and Ashley told me she had to go on a business trip. Then I got a one-gig video from her ex, Derek.

There she was, dressed up like Catwoman, grinding on Derek like there was no tomorrow. Super aggressive.

Turns out, her "business trip" was just a code word for hooking up with him.

I smirked, acted like I hadn’t seen the video, and called my childhood friend, Chloe.

“Wanna do Christmas together? I’ve got some juicy gossip, guaranteed to be sweet.”

01.

While I waited for Chloe to come over, I sent Ashley a bunch of texts. No response. She was probably too busy getting it on.

I tried calling her like a dozen times. Finally, she picked up, sounding all tired and husky, like she was annoyed, “What’s up? I’m busy!”

I said, “What are you busy with so late? I miss you. When are you coming back?”

She paused, I heard the rustling of sheets on her end. “Tomorrow, I guess. Gotta finish up some work today.”

“Well…”

“I’m really busy, gotta go. I’m going straight to sleep after this. Talk to you tomorrow!” And she hung up real quick.

Right as the call ended, I heard Derek’s obnoxious laugh, like he wanted me to hear it.

I didn’t call back. A little later, I got another text from Derek.

[Ashley’s asleep now. You should get some rest too. She’s with me today, she’ll be back with you tomorrow. No biggie.]

I almost threw up. I fought back the urge and replied:

[Even though Ashley is with you, I love her so much, I won’t get mad. As long as she’s back tomorrow, we’re good.]

Derek was probably speechless.

He was expecting me to freak out, get angry, and maybe storm over to catch them in the act. That way, Ashley and I would split up and he could swoop in.

Instead, I just didn’t care, acting all calm and cool about it and telling him she just had to be back tomorrow.

After a long pause, my phone buzzed. Derek just wrote:

[Simp.]

I could practically hear him grinding his teeth.

I didn't respond, and was about to call Chloe to see where she was, when there was a knock at the door.

I opened it, and there she was, Chloe’s face all rosy from the cold.

Her eyes lit up, and she said, “What kind of gossip? How sweet are we talking?”

Chloe and I grew up together. She'd always been suspicious of Ashley, once telling me, “Guys can be so clueless about women, but we can see right through them. That Ashley is bad news.”

Chloe had a thing for me, I knew that, so I’d never really paid her too much attention. But now, I was starting to believe her.

I showed her the video and Derek’s texts. Her eyes went wide and her face flushed red.

“They... they really went there? That's messed up.”

I laughed, but there was no humor in it, “Probably not the first time. If Derek hadn’t told me, I would have been in the dark.”

She looked at me with sympathy, then tossed my phone on the sofa. “I told you so! We girls know what’s up. This Ashley chick was always talking about her ex while she was with you, like she couldn’t let him go. And you were t...