If only it were me who was sick

My brother, Billy, was diagnosed with leukemia when he was six. The doctors said he’d be lucky to make it to ten.

From then on, I had to let him have everything.

My parents would always tell me, “Lilly, you have to be understanding. Billy only has a few years left, don’t fight him for stuff.”

“Mom, Dad, you’re so unfair, but how many years do we even get to love Billy?”

Later, Billy had a successful bone marrow transplant. Then I was diagnosed with leukemia. I actually felt relieved, like, finally, it was my turn to be the favorite.

Chapter 1

Billy was a sickly kid from the get-go. When he was five, he got a really bad fever, and that's when everything changed. He was diagnosed with stage three leukemia, and they gave him a 40% chance of surviving five years.

That's when our whole family started living this constant battle against cancer.

I was only four years old then.

Chapter 2

My dad always told me, “Lilly, you gotta be tough, you gotta be independent. When I was your age, I was out there chopping wood to make money.”

“We don’t expect you to make money, kiddo. Your brother’s sick, we’re busy. You gotta take care of yourself.”

From as far back as I can remember, I always walked home alone, and ate dinner by myself, usually a cold sandwich. My parents were always in some big city, getting Billy treatment. My grandparents worked extra shifts until late at night, trying to help with the bills.

Luckily, Billy’s treatment seemed to be working. He was released from the hospital after a few months, and came home for rest.

The day he got back, my grandparents made a pot roast for dinner. It was the first hot meal I’d had since Billy got sick.

But just as I was reaching for a piece of the roast, my mom smacked my hand away.

“Lilly, this is for your brother, to help him get his strength back. You can’t have it.”

I was just a little kid; I burst into tears. “But Mom, I wanna eat some, too!”

“No crying!” My mom’s voice was sharp. “Nobody in this house is allowed to cry. We’re gonna get through this with smiles!”

From that moment, I lost the right to eat meat and the right to cry. My mom said crying was bad luck, like I was putting a curse on Billy and mourning his death.

Chapter 3

Billy’s chemotherapy was costing a fortune, and they couldn’t find a bone marrow match. Things at home were getting tougher and tougher.

One day, my dad picked me up from school before the bell rang. He sat me down and said, “Lilly, how’d you feel about stopping school?”

“School costs several thousand dollars a year. Your dad can teach you all that stuff at home.”

“And look, Billy’s not in school either. You can keep him company and save money, it’s a great idea!”

I was furious. Billy wasn’t going to school because he was too sick. I was perfectly healthy! I loved school, I loved my teachers, and my friends, and I especially liked reading. Plus, they served real meals at school, including meat for lunch.

But my parents never cared about my opinions. They...