It's just a yacht, why are you making such a scene?"

My birthday rolled around, and I was sitting at the restaurant until closing time, but Sarah just never showed. Then I see her boy-hood pal, Mike, post on his Insta: “Thanks, Sarah, for the killer yacht! Cruisin’ tonight!”

I threw a like on it, commented, “Have fun out there!”

Next thing I know, Sarah’s blowing up my phone.

“He’s my assistant, okay?! I’m gonna give a bonus for landing a huge deal! What’s your problem?”

“Do you have to be so passive-aggressive about it? You’re so useless!”

…And just like that, she hung up before I could even get a word in. Seriously? I just rolled my eyes.

The waiter came by, looking a little awkward. “Sir, we’re closed.”

I nodded, grabbed my cake, and walked home.

I sat there alone, opened the box, and took a bite. Way too sweet, not even good.

I checked my phone, and there’s a photo from Mike, just for me, of him and Sarah in their swimsuits all snuggled up.

Then the voice message came in. Mike was all smug: “Hey, uh, Mark, just letting you know, Sarah’s with me tonight! Sorry, not sorry!”

I just texted him back: “Whatever,” and blocked him. If we didn’t work at the same place, I wouldn’t have even bothered adding him on social media.

And this guy has the nerve to taunt me?

But, a little later, I’m getting ready for bed when Sarah comes stomping through the door.

She saw me chilling on the bed and immediately lost it: “Mark, you think you can just do whatever you want!”

“Mike just closed that big deal, and I'm going to reward him! What’s the big deal?"

“And what’s with threatening him over the phone?”

“How dare you!”

Boom! She slapped me right across the face. My birthday, and I get smacked?

Sarah, still furious, pointed her finger right in my face. “Either you apologize, or you’re going straight to the retail store tomorrow, got it?!”

I was fuming. “Fine! I’m outta here! Just remember, you asked for this!”

I threw on some clothes, and slammed the door on my way out!

Sarah was screaming after me, “Mark, get back here!”

Yeah, right!

I didn't look back. And the next morning, I was at that retail store, ready to go.

At 8:30 AM, the group chat was blowing up.

“Mark, where are you?”

“You’re skipping work! Get back here now!”

Sarah was losing her mind, messaging me non-stop, but I’d already blocked her, so she couldn't reach me.

I sent a photo of the store to the group chat. “Per Sarah's request, I’m reporting for duty. Any orders, boss?”

Immediately, my old coworkers were sending me private messages.

“Dude, what’s going on? They sent you to a retail store? You’re the coding genius!”

“This is a waste of talent! Sarah is crazy, right?”

“Mark, are you just gonna take this?”

I didn’t reply, just created a new group chat for them, to keep everyone calm.

I was playing the long game. I was waiting for Sarah to come to her senses. I was giving her one last chance.

Instead, Sarah blew up and called me from a new phone number: “Mark, get your butt back here right now!”

“You going to the ret...