If Only I Was the Sick One

My older brother was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 6 years old. The doctors gave him a grim prognosis, saying he wouldn't live past 10.

From then on, I had to cater to my brother's every whim.

My parents constantly reminded me, "Eda, be understanding. Your brother has only a few years to enjoy life, so let him have his way.

"This is unfair to you, but we can't favor him for long, right?"

Later, my brother underwent a successful bone marrow transplant, but tragically, I was diagnosed with leukemia.

I was even a little happy, thinking, " This time, maybe I'll be the favored kid."

1

My brother had been prone to illness since childhood. When he was five, he had a high fever and was diagnosed with a terminal disease.

The doctor said that his leukemia had reached stage three, with a five-year survival rate of only 40%.

From then on, our whole family embarked on the journey of helping him fight cancer.

That year, I was only 4 years old.

2

My dad always said, "Eda, when you grow up, you need to be independent and strong. When I was your age, I could cut grass for sheep and earn money.

"We don't expect you to provide for the family yet. Now that your brother is sick, we can't take care of you. You have to take care of yourself."

From as far back as I could remember, I always went home alone and had cold bread for dinner alone.

My parents took my brother to the big city for medical treatment. To cover the medical expenses, my grandparents worked an extra job until dawn.

Fortunately, the treatment went well, and my brother was discharged from the hospital a few months later and went home to recuperate.

The day he returned home, my grandparents specially cooked pork chops to celebrate.

This was the first hot meal I had after my brother fell ill.

Just as I was about to pick up a piece, my mother knocked off my fork.

"Eda, this dish is specially made for your brother. You can't eat it," she said.

I was young and couldn't hold back tears. "Why? Mom, I also want some meat."

"No crying!" my mother scolded. "No one in the family is allowed to cry now. Everyone must live with a smile."

From then on, I not only lost the right to eat meat but also the freedom to cry.

My mother said that tears were inauspicious. People cried when they mourned for the dead. So if I cried, I wished my brother dead.

3

The cost of my brother's monthly chemotherapy was enormous, and he still had not found the right bone marrow match.

Our life became increasingly difficult.

That day, before school was over, my father came to pick me up and said to me earnestly,

"Eda, shall we not go to school anymore?

"I have to pay hundreds of dollars a year for your schooling, but actually I can teach you the same knowledge at home.

"You see, your brother doesn't go to school. If you quit, you can keep him company at home and it'll save money too. What a great idea!"

I disagreed. My brother didn't go to school because he was too ill.

But I was healthy and fit. I liked my teachers and classmates in s...