The love is deep and shallow

Chapter 1

So, my brother’s best friend, Jake, and I had been doing this secret five-year thing, and we were supposed to go public on New Year's Eve. Major reveal, right? But at the party, he didn't say a word about us. Instead, he leans in close, like it’s some big joke, and whispers, “I’m kinda done with you. Why don't you go find someone else to marry, okay?”

I just nodded, calm as you please, and said okay.

Last time, I’d cried and begged him, totally obsessed with the idea of marrying him, him specifically. I got my wish, but then he turned into this cold, emotionless guy, wouldn’t even look at me during sex. And when I was in the hospital, bleeding out during childbirth, he was off at Disneyland with his precious ex, celebrating her birthday.

That’s when it finally clicked. Love you have to beg for is never going to last.

This time around, I just smile and say, "Yeah, I'm over it too. Let's call it quits."

1

Jake blinked at me like I'd spoken Klingon. He clearly thought he’d misheard. I was usually this firecracker, ready to blow up at the slightest thing. Why was I suddenly being so chill?

He ditched the joking tone and looked at me real serious, “Riley, you know what I just said, right?”

I kept the smile on my face, light and breezy, “Sure, you said I should find someone new, right?”

Last time, if he’d said even half a thing I didn’t like, I’d have been on him like a cat with claws, digging in until he begged for mercy. But not this time. I was choosing me.

Jake frowned, “Riley, what’s gotten into you?”

Before he could finish, a glass shattered nearby, and a blonde woman burst out the door crying. People at the next table turned to stare.

My brother, Liam, nudged Jake with his elbow, “Wasn’t that your ex who just went full drama queen? What’s she doing here, dude?”

“New Year's, man, you can't just go around breaking stuff. Was it because of you?”

Jake's brow furrowed even deeper, and he stalked off after her. A few minutes later, the crying quieted down, turning into what sounded like a lovers' spat.

The food kept coming, and I just picked at what was on my plate. Usually, every dish they brought out, I’d grab some and put it in Jake's little bowl. It was a habit from way back, since his work phone was always ringing, and he'd often have to run off mid-meal.

My brother always made a big deal about it, getting jealous: “Seriously, you’re always feeding Jake, like I'm not even here. You totally have a thing for him, don't you?”

More than once I almost blurted out the truth, but Jake would always create a distance with me, tousling my hair like I was his kid sister, calling me his “adopted sis”. It was clear. He wasn't interested in going public with us.

Five long years, and not a single post on social media about us, not even on that "only me" setting. He didn't want there to be any trace of us, any evidence we had actually been together. But I was so stupidly in love with him that I just accepted being in the shadows.

Seeing me picking at f...