After three years of marriage, my wife cancelled her marriage certificate 18 times

Chapter 1

Three years of marriage, and my wife, a hotshot pilot, has bailed on getting the marriage license signed like, eighteen times.

The first time, it was her precious protégé's test flight.

I was stuck cooling my heels outside the DMV all day. Seriously.

The second time, she got a call from him on the way there and did a freakin' U-turn, leaving me on the side of the road.

From then on, every time we made plans to make it official, this golden boy of hers would suddenly have some kind of emergency.

Eventually, I decided, "Enough is enough."

I booked a one-way ticket to Paris.

But guess who went completely ballistic and chased me down to France?

01

Married for three years, but Sarah just couldn't seem to commit to signing the papers.

Today was supposed to be her thousandth successful flight – a big deal, right? – and the seventeenth time she promised we'd finally head down to the DMV.

But at the celebration party, while her boss was force-feeding me drinks, she was over there feeding her male pilot trainee, Jake, hors d'oeuvres like they were dating.

I was running a fever and practically passed out from all the booze, and she didn't even glance my way.

A bunch of coworkers were giving me these pitiful looks, like, "Dude, you deserve better."

It was obvious to everyone that I was knocking back those shots for her.

But after the party, Sarah, who was supposed to be heading to the DMV with me, pulled another disappearing act.

She rolled up to the restaurant, stopped me from getting into the car with one hand.

"Jake had too much to drink, covering for me tonight. I'm gonna take him home. Grab a cab, honey."

"We're probably not gonna make it to the DMV this afternoon. We will get it done another day."

And with that, she hopped out of the car without waiting for my response, practically tucking Jake into the passenger seat.

Eight years dating, three years married, and this was the seventeenth time Jake had pulled her away from getting our license signed.

Normally, I'd be losing my mind, yelling at her, asking her who the hell she was married to, and who was the one downing shots all night?

But this time, I just gave her a weak smile and said, "Okay, drive safe."

Sarah seemed a little surprised by my chill attitude, but she quickly went back to being cold and said, "I'll pick you up a gift tonight, to make it up to you."

Then, she jumped in the car and peeled out, making sure to close Jake's window so he wouldn't catch a chill.

She used to hate the smell of alcohol in her car.

Every time I drank for her, even in winter, she'd crank open the sunroof, and never close the windows.

But that was just because I was sitting in the passenger seat.

The Florida heat was stifling, but my heart was colder than an iceberg.

I took a deep breath and shoved the marriage license back in my backpack.

I knew it was time to let go of those eight years.

02

That afternoon, I went straight to work and handed in my resignation.

"Does Sarah know you're leaving?"

My boss wa...