cousin online dating

My cousin, Ethan, was catfishing someone using my pictures. He was posting my selfies all over his social media, pretending to be me.

I finally snapped and messaged him, "Dude, seriously? Knock it off."

"Just a little longer, sis," he replied. "I'm almost at the top of the leaderboard. I'll break up with him after this game."

Later, Ethan did break up with his online boyfriend. Then, Professor Hayes from the Physics department, someone I’d only seen across campus, asked me to come to his office.

This whole thing started a few weeks ago. Ethan, who's still in high school, was acting weird. He kept posting my selfies on Instagram with captions like, "Perfect weather for a Starbucks run." Then, a little while later, he'd post another picture of a Starbucks drink with the caption, "Thanks, babe!"

I was so confused. I messaged him, "What the actual heck?"

"...Oops, forgot to block you," he replied sheepishly.

"Are you catfishing someone with my pictures?!"

"Sis, he's, like, amazing at Call of Duty. He's carrying me to victory."

I rolled my eyes but decided not to make a big deal out of it. "Just don't get into trouble. And don't scam him for money, or I'll tell Dad."

He laid low for a week or so, but then the Instagram posts started again. This time, it was a picture of me next to a photo of a new Lego Millennium Falcon. The caption read: "My birthday is coming up… really want this Lego set."

Okay, now he was crossing a line.

I messaged him, "I said knock it off!"

"Almost there, sis. Just gotta hit the next level, then I'll dump him."

I wanted to teleport to his house and throttle him. "Forget the game! Stop ruining my reputation. I'll buy you the Lego set myself."

Half an hour later, he replied, "No need, sis, I got the Lego set."

I immediately sent him money via Venmo. "Return the money. Break up with him. Now."

He begrudgingly accepted the payment and typed back, "Fine."

I wasn't convinced, so I called him and gave him a serious talking-to. He apologized profusely and swore he’d stop. Since it was right before Christmas break and I was swamped with grad school work, I let it go. He stayed quiet on social media, so I thought it was over.

Then, Christmas came. I was chilling on the couch, binge-watching holiday movies and eating candy canes, when my best friend, Sarah, sent me a screenshot. "Uh, your cousin is at it again."

It was Ethan’s Instagram. He'd posted every single selfie I’d ever put online. He'd even dug up my high school graduation picture and captioned it, "Wow, she's changed so much!" So much for changing his ways; he’d just changed his privacy settings.

I stormed into Ethan’s room and grabbed him by the ear. "You’re dead meat! Stealing my pictures again?"

"Ow, ow, ow! Stop!" he yelled, dramatically clutching his ear. "Sis, perfect timing! He wants to video chat. Can you pretend to be you? I'll give you all my Christmas money!"

"No way! Confess and apologize right now."

"Sis, it's Christmas! It's cruel to tell hi...